Breaking the Habit

It's always hard to kick a habit - or in this case, an obsession.

I am a Fanfiction Addict. I admit this, freely and openly. However, from now on I am hoping to say I will be a Reformed Fanfiction Addict.

I love to read. From the age of about 3 or 4 - I think - obviously my conscious memory isn't particularly good on this stage of my life - I began to read. And I would read everything. By age 6, I was practically devouring books from my school library. Anytime I could, I would read.

In high school, however, I began to find myself a bit short on time to sit down and read a whole book. At the same time, unfortunately, I discovered the internet, and the treasure trove of reading material available here - long, short, fiction, non-fiction... anything I wanted to read, right at my finger tips. And soon enough, I discovered that Holy Grail of FF on the net, the originally named 'Fanfiction.net'....

Hours upon hours of my time during the last few years have been consumed reading creative genius from all around the world. I've helped critique it, edit it and even write it. I've branched out from plain old FF.net to some of the more specialised sites out there - too many to name, though the Derbyshire Writers Guild (DWG) and Longbourn Loungers deserve a special mention as my favourite haunts for the past couple of years. But my addiction to fanfiction has grown to a point where I feel that it is seriously impinging on my life, in several areas.

Worst of all, is that I know that I sometimes place feeding my habit over really important things, like spending time with God. I don't know who will be reading this, but let me explain. I believe that the most important thing I possess on this Earth is a relationship with God, the creator of all things. And I want to invest time in this relationship, by seeking to know God, through prayer and reading the Bible. (If you disagree or agree with my beliefs, feel free to comment, but do so politely. Please treat me the same way you want to be treated when discussing your beliefs.)

There are other relationships that suffer too. I wonder sometimes if I am a stranger to my parents. Do they miss me, when I am at my computer, giggling away at a witty line in a story written by someone halfway across the world? I send her encouragement and ask her how she is. Have I asked them yet?

I know my work suffers, as I slip off into daydreams of the latest land I have just read about, or sneak onto the net for another fix, even when I know I shouldn't. And my health, as I spend hour upon hour of precious sleep time trawling the net for 'just one more story, before I go to sleep'.

I am not saying fanfiction is a bad thing. It is wonderful that so many young people are writing and reading, in a generation hooked to the audiovisual. It gives young dreamers like myself a creative outlet - a place to fly free and invent (although still safely tied to the canon of whatever world you are writing in...) But like almost everything, it must be done in moderation. When it begins to feed upon your life, you know you need to break free. And breaking free for me has to mean breaking all ties. Or that one story will lead to another, and then another, and another...