Protected

Both these occurrences were a few weeks ago, but I remembered both of them this morning, and I finally saw them in a different light.

I was sitting in a lecture a while ago, and most of my friends were talking, while I was off day-dreaming (as normal). When they all burst out laughing, I returned to Earth and asked in my normal nosy fashion what they were talking about. One of the guys was about to relate the joke to me, when my friend stopped him. I looked at him in surprise, and he could obviously see that in my face. So he said very carefully, "You don't want to hear this joke", and I could tell from the expression on his face exactly what kind of joke it had been. This guy is a good friend, one of the few other Christians in my course, and I trust his judgement (most of the time) but at the time I felt quite... well, babied - as if I wasn't responsible enough to make my own call on what I should hear. And also a bit of "Well who are you to have a say in what I listen to? You're not my boyfriend or my family."

Then a couple of weeks later, a similar thing happened. I was walking through one of the buildings on campus, when the guys I was walking with (who is normally VERY talkative) stopped talking, and said, "Kit, I just want you to look at me, and not at the walls". Yet again, my face must have said it all, because he explained straight away. "There's some new 'art' up that you probably don't want to see." Again, at the time I obeyed, but more out of humouring my friend than out of believing he was right. In fact, I think my thought at the time was "Oh, it's probably just pictures of naked people. That wouldn't bother me; I've studied anatomy."

This morning brought a whole new light on these incidents. Instead of feeling patronised or resentful, I started to feel thankful for what these guys had done for me. In a world that seems to do everything it can to strip young people of their purity, these guys had put themselves out to protect MY purity. Not their own, but mine. They cared enough about a sister (who didn't care herself) to step in and hold her back from harm. And while I know these certainly weren't horrific dangers to my purity, what means something to me is that they cared. Think about, sisters - true brothers will want to protect your purity, even as the world tries to take it away.

I'm With You

"Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't somebody come take me home? Cause
it's a damn cold night, tryin' to figure out this life. Why won't you take me by
the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I, I'm with you."
I'm With You, Avril Lavigne

I don't think the song has a lot to do with whats on my mind, but it was one of my favourite songs a few years ago, and so I thought it was worth a mention. What I have been hit with tonight - not literally, obviously and thankfully as I bruise easily - is the fact that Christ is ALWAYS with us.

He even says it, at the end of the Great Commission. On campus, we get very excited about the Creat Commission, and we refer to it a lot, and so I assume I know it, and my eyes begin to glaze over when I hear it again. But today I actually heard it, and I had a few thoughts.

I think we often ignore or forget the last part of it. "And surely I am with you aways, to the very ends of the age." It's hard, or at least for me. Know Jesus has authority -check. Go make disciples - check. Baptise and teach them - check. But believe that Jesus will always be there, walking beside you and carrying you through the tough times - that's a lot harder.

I have been given a new role in my ministry that is quite differnt from my last one, which was a an admin one. This new one is more a leadership role, and I still feel quite daunted about taking it on. But knowing that Jesus is walking with me each step of the way - that is is the truth I will have to learn to depend on. I need to learn, sort of like Avril, to be saying "I'm with you" to Jesus and trusting in God's faithfulness.

Being Pretty

Bible study times are fun times, but also times when I learn the most. I was doing a study a couple of days ago with two other girls. We were looking at purity, which can be a fairly hectic topic for young people, when one of the girls managed to breaj the tension completely. We were looking at a verse in 1 Peter 3, when my friend suddenly announced, "I like this chapter. It teaches you how to be pretty." Both I and the other girl stared at her for a moment, before she amended "In God's eyes." At which point we all promptly burst out laughing, because she just sounded so cute saying it. Later, apart from appreciating the irony of the comment - as the girl who said is physically very beautiful and could probably get work as a model if she wanted it, her comment started me thinking.

Not so much what true beauty is, but rather how to obtain it. My friend used the word "teach", which isn't what society would normally associate with beauty, is it? In the world, you are either born beautiful (too late on that one... joking. I'm perfectly happy with how I look :) ) or you buy beauty (not on my wages...). So that brings us back to learning, and I would dare to add growing or developing, as ways beauty can be produced.

And how do we learn to have "a gentle and quiet spirit"? Peter gives us one source - by looking at the lives of the women of the Bible, and I would add, by emulating the faithful Christian women in our churches, friends and families. I know I learn best when something is modelled for me to follow. The other way I think we can learn beauty is the one I know I need to pay more attention too, and that is growing through my mistakes - looking back on when I have failed to demonstrate this and examining my attitude and motives in that situation.

I know being quiet adn gentle is counter-cultural in a society that is rewarding women for exposing themselves adn celebrates "bitching" as a freedom. Interesting, I think. Freedom in envy and anger? Give me serenity any day, thank you.

Tolerance, Passion and Facade

This issue has been on my mind for a while, after a discussion with a friend at uni. It's about the way we worship as Christians. Now, I don't want to rehash the whole issue of how worship is a lifestyle and not just an event, which is one major problem I have (personally and culturally).

What I have been thinking about is a little less deep, and more to do with how we worship as a church body. I don't want to get into one of those debates that always seem to come up between denominations on what is acceptable and what is not. I am certainly not saying that the way my church does it is right and another is wrong. I definitely don't have the theological knowledge to make that kind of call. But my friend was saying she found her current church passionless in worship, compared to her previous church.

I want to prefix my thoughts on this topic by referring you to Romans 14. It's a passage Paul has written to the Roman church about food laws, and whether or not to follow them, but I think the same principle applies here. The underlying message is that on more trivial issues like what we eat or how we sing, we shouldn't judge others unnecessarily, but let them do what they require to help them cling closely to God. (Note: This doesn't mean 'do whatever you like in the name of getting closer to God'.) So I think it's vital that we not only tolerate, but appreciate, that others connect with God differently than we might.

Passion is a tricky thing. It can be contagious and explosive, but it can also be patiently simmering - like in the expression, still waters run deep. I tend to feel quite deeply about this issue, because I am a fairly shy person by nature, and I don't always like sharing things that are close to my heart. (No, I am not saying this is a good thing - it can lead me try and carry my burdens myself too often, and it sometimes drives my discipler nuts!) So what I am saying is what may be perceived as a lack of passion may actually be a lack of physically expressed passion. And while I have no issue with those who are physically expressive in worship (raising hands, jumping etc), I feel no need to do so myself. I connect with God best when I am still. If I am moving, I always aware of my movements and my surroundings. I can't "lose myself" in movement, only in stillness.

I was once told "Passion is energy that moves things". I have always believed this statement, and it has greatly shaped my concept of 'passion'. To me, passion is not an emotion, it is a force. It is a driver and director and a creator, not just a feeling. And because I don't see it as a feeling, it is not something that can be expressed on a face or a movement, but in a word or a deed or a choice. Again, I think we come back to the main problem - worship is a lifestyle, not an event.

Finally, I think we can put too much emphasis on the appearance of passion, when the reality of it is sadly lacking. During my final three high school years, I toyed with a range of beliefs, Christianity being one of them. One of the factors that pushed me away from it was - as usual - not a problem with Christianity, but with Christians. There were a number of girls at my school who attended a large church in my area, and who organised a Christian music event at our school and stood at the front with their arms raised. One month later the same girls were suspended for consuming alcohol underage on a school camp. The seeming disconnect between their behaviour and their professed beliefs gave me an easy way out to say 'Christianity must not mean much, after all'. This is the danger of facades - when they are broken, people's faith is shattered too.

So what's my conclusion? Show it through song if you want to, but more importantly - mean it and live it!

Broken

"I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into better shape."

Estella, Great Expectations, Charles Dickens.

"If I try and bend that far, I will break."

Tevye, Fiddler in the Roof.

Bending and breaking - something I feel like I've been doing a lot of lately. It's strange how well Dickens - who was fairly anti-religion - captures one of the hardest parts of Christianity - the fact that there will be hardship and suffering, but that it's ultimate goal is to create a better shaped - more Christ-like - person.

Too often, I think we adopt Tevye's point of view, that if we continue to take more and more strain, we will eventually shatter, never to recover. But we forget, I think, that we do not need to carry the world's burden anymore - whatever that may look like for us - study, work, financial pressures. Instead, Jesus asks us to walk with him, do as he asks, and he will carry our heavy load for us. The other thing to consider, as Estella points out, is that we assume breaking to be a bad thing. But I think those really dark and hard times in my life is when I have known myself best. I have seen what I am capable of, for good or evil, and I have glimpsed the good that God can do, though anything.

Do I wish there was an easier way? Yes, of course. Would I choose not to go through those times if I could? No, I woul do it again, and I will do it again, as I learn all the lessons that God has planned for me, and the flames of the crucible continue to burn off the charf.

L'Affaire de la Coeur

Excuse my bad French to begin with - I think that's how it's spelt, but I can't remember.

Anyway, the point of this entry is a follow-up to one of my previous entries. If you haven't read it, it's not necessary - it was just me acting very angst-ridden about the state of my relationship with a friend, most of which is probably in my head.

So, I have been thinking a lot on the issue of romance and love, and I finally heard a very down-to-Earth sermon today that really seemed to drive the point home. As I have blundered about in the romantic arena, many wiser women have reminded me of the Song of Solomon's verse that talks about not awakening love too early. This all seemed very esoteric to me. How was I to know when was the right time? If I always think its too early, will I miss the person I'm meant to be with?

This sermon phrased it somewhat differently though, and I think that is what helped me understand. It said very bluntly that, as Christians, the goal of dating is marriage - not sex, not a good time, but marriage. Therefore, if you are not ready to get married, there is no point in dating. It seems harsh, and there are some people who it probably doesn't apply to - the kind of people who can continue a relationship at the same level for long periods of time. I am not one of those people; I don't have that kind of perseverance. But for me, a relationship that is not going to progress would be toxic, and I know I'm not available for that kind of relationship yet.

So I'm going to be kissing dating good-bye, to use the popular phrase, at least for the moment. At the moment, uni is my excuse. This may change as I grow and mature (hopefully!), and before my time at uni is over, I might be ready. But for now, no dating. Until it can be dating that can lead to forever.

Honesty in Mentoring

I have had the privilege of being mentored (or discipled, the word we use on campus) by an wonderful older Christian, and have recently been given the responsibility of doing the same for another girl. Meeting up with her has been a great experience for me, not only in being able to pass on some of the things I have learnt, but in the amount she teaches me - or God teaches me through her.

Today was a great example. This was the first time we've met up since university has resumed after the winter break, and so I didn't plan a lesson, but instead decided we'd spend some time discussing how our holidays are, and then praying. (As an aside, I don't know if anyone else finds this, but holidays can be a really hard time for faith, as you're away from all the normal ministry activities...) I'd also giving her the homework of writing out her testimony over the holidays, and we talked about that.

But my revelation came right at the end. We were discussing some things to pray about before we parted, and the usual things came up - balancing uni with life, praise for a good start to the semester, as well as praying for a friend who is having a tough time at the moment, when I realized there was some problems - sin - in my own life, that I'd been struggling with that morning. After much hesitation, and some vague attempts at prevarication, I told this to the younger girl. Expecting to see a bit of disappointment or even judgement on her face, I was surprised by her response. "You struggle with that, too?" she said. "Kit, that's such a relief for me."

We haven't really covered this particular area before, and I hadn't known it was a problem for her either. Now, it will be something we can work on together, and hopefully keep each other accountable to. So I hope I have learnt my lesson, that it is vital that we be honest with our disciples, and let them know when we are struggling.