For Life

Yesterday I went to the wedding of two Christian friends who I have known through most of my time at university. I haven't been to a lot of weddings, but yesterday I noticed something.

The popular form of the answer to the wedding vows is to say "I do". Countless wedding cards and an entire ABBA song are dedicated to this well known part of the wedding. However, the vow in both the Christian weddings I've been to this year has not been "I do", but "I will".

There's a significant difference there, when you consider what the person is promising at the moment - to love, to honour, to share a life. "I do" says "At this moment, this is what is true of my life, that I do love this person, honour this person, want to share a life with this person." It is a state of the present. But "I will" is a future tense, isn't it? It says "I am going to keep doing this, for the rest of my life, not just for as long as I feel like it."

I know I'm making a big thing out of a little difference, one that most people wouldn't even notice. But there is a difference between the world's view of marriage, and what a Christian marriage is. One is all about what is going to make you happy now, while the other is about loving one another in a way that reflects God's love - and that love is eternal and unwavering. There's much more that could be said on this topic, but I will leave that to those who know far more about love than I do :P

Simplicity

I wish my life was much simpler than it is.

I wish I could amuse myself for a whole day without having to go on Facebook or YouTube or even Blogger.
I wish I wasn't contactable 24 hours a day on a little phone that fits within my palm, yet I feel naked without.
I wish I would read books instead of webpages, curling up in an armchair or my bed instead of a swivel chair.
I wish I would spend more time playing my own music instead of blasting it into my ears out of a little stick with a weird yet catchy name.
I wish I didn't use a headset and a webcam to talk to my best friends, whether they live on the other side of the city, or the other side of the world.

I wish my life was unwired, un-networked, uncomplicated.

Free.

In my backyard

When I think of hatred and violence, I tend to think of something far away... you know, it's in that country or in that part of the city... The people near me are good people, right? On Friday morning, I was witness to a very confronting incident on the bus really challenge my underlying attitude of "not in my backyard". I was catching the bus on the way to uni, when a youngish man boarded with a radio blaring from his backpack [This is actually illegal on public transport here; music is supposed to audible only to the person listening to it - i.e. used with headphones]. One of the other passengers requested that he turn it down, and was met with a barrage of insults, swearing and threats of violence, even after the bus driver's warning, that I was scared for the safety of the man who complained and for the other passengers around. It was such a small thing, and it unleashed such a lot of hate. Being me, I wrote a poem about it...

Bus is quiet
People silent
New passenger disturbs our rest
Loud music blares
Everyone stares
Til someone decides to protest
He swears and shouts
About to strike out
Bus driver issues a warning
Hearing death threats
What will come next?
Will there be blood spilt this morning?
I want to hide
Crying inside
Wishing it were all just a jest
There's so much hate
Love seems too late
For this morning bus ride in the West.

Chasing Sunsets

I catch the train home from uni most nights - around a 30-35 minute ride - in the late afternoon, which at the moment (as we're approaching winter here in the Southern Hemisphere) is around the time the sun is setting, and my train travels directly west, following the disappearing sun.

I was sitting on the train a couple of days ago, when I happened to look up from my book and realize that out the window behind me was an incredibly amazing sunset -an incredible red-orange sun illuminating pink clouds and sending off those visible beams of sparkly golden light. It was beautiful and the sight of it lifted away all the clouds of emotional worry that had been ruling my day up until then.

I turned back from the window to see if anyone else in the carriage had caught the same taste of glorious joy from the image of it that I had, but no. They all still had their heads buried in books, magazines, the newspaper, the PSP, the iPod. And I really thought at that moment... this is what our society is. We're so busy chasing after happiness from anywhere that promises it, that we miss the simple moments of true joy, in merely being a witness to God's magnificent creation.

On Love

I was talking to a friend on the phone today, who was not feeling great for various reasons. At the end of the conversation, she thanked me for listening and then said "Love you". And so I naturally responded "Love you too."

When I got off the phone, my sister immediately said "Who were you talking to?" I explained that I was talking to this particular friend. My sister then responded "Why did you say 'I love you'? I don't say that to my friends." I was a little lost for words, and I tried to explain it as best I could to her, but I don't think I did a great job, so after having a good think about it, here is my answer.

I said 'I love you' because it's true. I love my friends. I think the world has a painfully narrow definition of love - you either love people in your family (because they are your family) or you love your romantic partner. But somewhere in the middle, we've lost the love that we have for our friends, the one that seeks to serve them and want to best for them and let them know that we care. In Australia, we often refer to this as 'mateship', but I think that's just a euphemism for a society too scared to admit what it really feels. It's love.

Jesus called us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" and to "love your neighbour as yourself" (Matthew 22:37, 39). Now, I don't know about how you feel about yourself, but I usually want good things to come to me, and therefore if I'm going to obey God, this means wanting good for my friends - loving my friends. And if we can't love our friends, then how are we ever going to meet Jesus' challenge to love our enemies?

Whether you say it or not is up to you. I can only remember how, particularly when I am feeling down, it feels so special to know that someone loves you, not because they have to, but because they are your friend.

Protected

Both these occurrences were a few weeks ago, but I remembered both of them this morning, and I finally saw them in a different light.

I was sitting in a lecture a while ago, and most of my friends were talking, while I was off day-dreaming (as normal). When they all burst out laughing, I returned to Earth and asked in my normal nosy fashion what they were talking about. One of the guys was about to relate the joke to me, when my friend stopped him. I looked at him in surprise, and he could obviously see that in my face. So he said very carefully, "You don't want to hear this joke", and I could tell from the expression on his face exactly what kind of joke it had been. This guy is a good friend, one of the few other Christians in my course, and I trust his judgement (most of the time) but at the time I felt quite... well, babied - as if I wasn't responsible enough to make my own call on what I should hear. And also a bit of "Well who are you to have a say in what I listen to? You're not my boyfriend or my family."

Then a couple of weeks later, a similar thing happened. I was walking through one of the buildings on campus, when the guys I was walking with (who is normally VERY talkative) stopped talking, and said, "Kit, I just want you to look at me, and not at the walls". Yet again, my face must have said it all, because he explained straight away. "There's some new 'art' up that you probably don't want to see." Again, at the time I obeyed, but more out of humouring my friend than out of believing he was right. In fact, I think my thought at the time was "Oh, it's probably just pictures of naked people. That wouldn't bother me; I've studied anatomy."

This morning brought a whole new light on these incidents. Instead of feeling patronised or resentful, I started to feel thankful for what these guys had done for me. In a world that seems to do everything it can to strip young people of their purity, these guys had put themselves out to protect MY purity. Not their own, but mine. They cared enough about a sister (who didn't care herself) to step in and hold her back from harm. And while I know these certainly weren't horrific dangers to my purity, what means something to me is that they cared. Think about, sisters - true brothers will want to protect your purity, even as the world tries to take it away.

Being Pretty

Bible study times are fun times, but also times when I learn the most. I was doing a study a couple of days ago with two other girls. We were looking at purity, which can be a fairly hectic topic for young people, when one of the girls managed to breaj the tension completely. We were looking at a verse in 1 Peter 3, when my friend suddenly announced, "I like this chapter. It teaches you how to be pretty." Both I and the other girl stared at her for a moment, before she amended "In God's eyes." At which point we all promptly burst out laughing, because she just sounded so cute saying it. Later, apart from appreciating the irony of the comment - as the girl who said is physically very beautiful and could probably get work as a model if she wanted it, her comment started me thinking.

Not so much what true beauty is, but rather how to obtain it. My friend used the word "teach", which isn't what society would normally associate with beauty, is it? In the world, you are either born beautiful (too late on that one... joking. I'm perfectly happy with how I look :) ) or you buy beauty (not on my wages...). So that brings us back to learning, and I would dare to add growing or developing, as ways beauty can be produced.

And how do we learn to have "a gentle and quiet spirit"? Peter gives us one source - by looking at the lives of the women of the Bible, and I would add, by emulating the faithful Christian women in our churches, friends and families. I know I learn best when something is modelled for me to follow. The other way I think we can learn beauty is the one I know I need to pay more attention too, and that is growing through my mistakes - looking back on when I have failed to demonstrate this and examining my attitude and motives in that situation.

I know being quiet adn gentle is counter-cultural in a society that is rewarding women for exposing themselves adn celebrates "bitching" as a freedom. Interesting, I think. Freedom in envy and anger? Give me serenity any day, thank you.

Tolerance, Passion and Facade

This issue has been on my mind for a while, after a discussion with a friend at uni. It's about the way we worship as Christians. Now, I don't want to rehash the whole issue of how worship is a lifestyle and not just an event, which is one major problem I have (personally and culturally).

What I have been thinking about is a little less deep, and more to do with how we worship as a church body. I don't want to get into one of those debates that always seem to come up between denominations on what is acceptable and what is not. I am certainly not saying that the way my church does it is right and another is wrong. I definitely don't have the theological knowledge to make that kind of call. But my friend was saying she found her current church passionless in worship, compared to her previous church.

I want to prefix my thoughts on this topic by referring you to Romans 14. It's a passage Paul has written to the Roman church about food laws, and whether or not to follow them, but I think the same principle applies here. The underlying message is that on more trivial issues like what we eat or how we sing, we shouldn't judge others unnecessarily, but let them do what they require to help them cling closely to God. (Note: This doesn't mean 'do whatever you like in the name of getting closer to God'.) So I think it's vital that we not only tolerate, but appreciate, that others connect with God differently than we might.

Passion is a tricky thing. It can be contagious and explosive, but it can also be patiently simmering - like in the expression, still waters run deep. I tend to feel quite deeply about this issue, because I am a fairly shy person by nature, and I don't always like sharing things that are close to my heart. (No, I am not saying this is a good thing - it can lead me try and carry my burdens myself too often, and it sometimes drives my discipler nuts!) So what I am saying is what may be perceived as a lack of passion may actually be a lack of physically expressed passion. And while I have no issue with those who are physically expressive in worship (raising hands, jumping etc), I feel no need to do so myself. I connect with God best when I am still. If I am moving, I always aware of my movements and my surroundings. I can't "lose myself" in movement, only in stillness.

I was once told "Passion is energy that moves things". I have always believed this statement, and it has greatly shaped my concept of 'passion'. To me, passion is not an emotion, it is a force. It is a driver and director and a creator, not just a feeling. And because I don't see it as a feeling, it is not something that can be expressed on a face or a movement, but in a word or a deed or a choice. Again, I think we come back to the main problem - worship is a lifestyle, not an event.

Finally, I think we can put too much emphasis on the appearance of passion, when the reality of it is sadly lacking. During my final three high school years, I toyed with a range of beliefs, Christianity being one of them. One of the factors that pushed me away from it was - as usual - not a problem with Christianity, but with Christians. There were a number of girls at my school who attended a large church in my area, and who organised a Christian music event at our school and stood at the front with their arms raised. One month later the same girls were suspended for consuming alcohol underage on a school camp. The seeming disconnect between their behaviour and their professed beliefs gave me an easy way out to say 'Christianity must not mean much, after all'. This is the danger of facades - when they are broken, people's faith is shattered too.

So what's my conclusion? Show it through song if you want to, but more importantly - mean it and live it!

Haunted

Some of my university friends and I - two guys and two other girls - really enjoy watching movies together and eating a lot of junk food. So we've developed a holiday ritual of crashing at someone's house, hiring three or four movies and lazing on the couch all day. Now, particularly because of the influence of the boys, we tend to watch a lot of thriller and horror movies.

We had such a movie day last Wednesday, and I have been haunted ever since. The first movie the group decided to watch was Wolf Creek, which is an Australian horror movie. It has an 18 plus rating in most countries and it definitely requires it, because it has haunted me since.

And I only lasted for half the movie.

Most of the first part of the movie is spent setting it up, but when it starts to get gory, it goes all the way and very quickly. After 10 minutes of this, I was crying, shaking and completely nauseated.

One of my male friends, who regularly watches this kind of movie, was surprised by my strong response to what I was watching and hearing. He made a remark that seemed to imply he thought I should be able to seperate reality from the make up, effects and acting that is on the screen. I was unable to answer him at the time, and at that point, the other guy (whose house it was) stopped the movie to escort me to somewhere I could sit and entertain myself for the rest of the movie, as he could see I wasn't enjoying it.

Though he will probably not see it, here is my answer to why I think I responded so strongly to the scenes in Wolf Creek. One is that, in Australia, this story of kidnapped and tortured backpackers is not so far-fetched. We have had two high profile cases in my lifetime of backpackers or stranded tourists picked up off the highway and killed, sometimes in very brutal ways. The second is that this film is really confronting in the fac that it gives no excuses for the cruelty and sadistic inhumanity of the villain. In the other thriller/horror films we watched that day, we saw violence and death blamed on haunted houses, on curses and hoodoo, on alien invaders, and on schizophrenics who believe they're God. The killer in Wolf Creek was none of these things. He simply... killed and raped and tortured because he found pleasure in it. He found pleasure in evil.

I fear this. I fear it, because I know there is a tiny bit of this madness in every soul on this Earth. My own included, for certain. Because when we're left alone, in the wilderness, and all the rules seem to go out the window, this is what can come out. Maybe not to the same degree, in the same gruesome way, but it is there.

I certainly won't be watching horror movies anymore. It scares me too much, but not in the way most people think. I am not afraid of blood; I am afraid of people.

Tears for this world

I can't watch the news, you know? It's not just that I won't, which wold be far more typical of people of my generation. But that I can't. Because more than half the time when I do, I end up in tears. Sometimes it's just a few tears rolling down my cheek - leaking out of the corner of my eye. But other times, the surging sobs I feel welling up in me mean I have to get away from the television immediately, or completely breakdown.

You don't have to be Albert Einstein to realise it probably shouldn't be like this.

No, you may say that I am obviously some overwrought, emotionally delicate child. That may in part be true. But that doesn't take away the fact that something is causing my tears.

Or you might say, most other people can watch this and not cry. But then I would have to say, is that a flaw in them or a flaw in me? If there is violence on our television screens, shouldn't it be making us scared and angry and sick? Or are we now completely desensitized to it, that it simply washes over us like water in the shower, but instead of taking away the dirt, it is stealing the feeling of our souls?

I am not claiming innocence in this desensitization process by any means. I have watched violent movies, and enjoyed them. I have seen images of people shot dead in cold blood and regarded it as entertainment. But when this nonchalance about sin in the fictional world begins to bleed intohow we see the real world, I have a problem. That is where I want to say stop, and look at what you seeing. Think about the implications of what you're seeing.

I started crying last time because of a story about modifying ambulances with stronger restraints. I think most adults would think "Good" and move on. But I kept thinking - what has brought us to this stage, where we have to be so concerned about the safety of our emergency workers, because the very people they are trying to help are wanting to kill them, in the mania of their methamphetamine induced psychosis. Who are these people, who are causing this massive damage to themselves and others? Did I go to school with them? Are they some of the people I see in class now? What do their families think? And how do the ambulence officers keep coming to work each day in the face of all this?

Fashion... Yeah, right...

I am very sorry to all those fashionistas out there, but I can't stand the current fashions! There are just some looks out there at the moment that I think are either too ugly, too impractical, or just plain wrong, wrong, wrong.

1. There is no logical reason to wear shorts and thongs with a scarf wrapped tightly around your neck as if you are traversing Antartica. Either it is cold enough to wear the scarf, in which case you should be wearing clothes, not accessories, to keep you warm, or it is warm enough to wear your summery stuff without the scarf. Make up you mind, people!

2. If you are cold, put your jumper on. If you are hot, take it off. I'm sick of seeing people walking around with their arms through the sleeves of the jumpers, but not bothering to actually put the jumper on. Come on, take a look at yourselves! You look stupid!

3. Gumboots are not ever to be considered 'in fashion'. Full stop. I don't care who makes them, or what print they have on them, they are a type of footwear intend for gardening and wading though streams when fishing. They are not a fashion item!

There are other things that annoy me about the 'look' many people seem to be sporting nowadays, but those are my top three nitpicks for the moment.