Confession

I screwed up today.

It's not so hard to say that to the infinite oblivion that is the Internet, where I am practically anonymous... but it's far harder to confess having done wrong to someone you work for, who has put trust in you to do your job well. It can be agonising, the feeling that you have let people down.

So why don't I feel this agony about all my sin? Why do I seem to be able to "confess" so easily before God?

When I look back on it, I know the answer. Here and now, with this mistake, I have no option other than to say that I am at fault. But when it comes to confessing before God, I am always quick to point the finger at my flawed human nature and the devil and whoever else I can claim led me to this point. But it was still my choice. And my choice was to sin. I am at fault.

The other reason why I believe I am often glib in my confessions before God is that I don't take the consequences of sin seriously. The consequences of my error today could have been very bad for my career, but what's a job when you're faced with the realities of Hell or the body of an innocent man broken and bleeding for you?

This wretched feeling I have right now will probably pass away and eventually this will all fade to distant memory. But there are some things that should never be forgotten, and the price God paid to redeem us from the consequences of our own sin is one of them.

Eating My Words

Just when I think I've understood something, and I post about it, it comes back to bite me. Last post I spoke about trusting Jesus, and I've realized this week how little I have been doing that.

This week has been a week of frustrations. Not only have I been sick, but a whole string of little things seem to be going wrong. Things that I need are missing from my paperwork, my email account was hacked, people won't answer their phones.... None of them are major crises, but added together, it all makes me want to scream. Or break things. Or both. [For those of you who know me in real life, this may surprise you, but I do have a nasty temper when I'm upset. Yes, I know, you probably can't imagine it. But I assure you the mild mannered Kitty you know is just a cover-up for the crazy one underneath.]

But anyway, back on topic. All this served to remind me not only how much I had failed to trust God with it, but how little I'd even been talking about it to Him. Last week I did a Bible study about Hannah, Samuel's mother in the book of 1 Samuel. She's a fairly cool lady, and I wish I was more like her.... She starts off the books a bit of a mess. She can't have kids and she's incredibly bitter and discontent with her life. Not unlike me (but to a much greater extent), she's frustrated that her life isn't working out the way she wants it to. But with the encouragement of her loving husband, instead of keeping all her feelings inside and letting them fester, she pours her heart out before God - with so much feeling that Eli thinks she's drunk!

God designed us with feelings. He doesn't expect us to carry the weight of our emotions on our own. We needs to be honest about our feelings, not only with each other, but most importantly with Him. Tell Him if your overflowing with joy and overwhelmed with sorrow or overwrought with anxiety. He listens. And He acts.

Cross Dressing

This is taken from a sermon at my church recently, that I wanted to share with you. A few of the thoughts are my own, but most of them are from one of our awesome pastors, Mike Everett, who preached the sermon. The passage was Ephesians 4:17-32.

Because of the new life we have in Christ, we don't want to keep walking as the world walks. And this extends to the way we 'dress' ourselves - the attitudes and behaviours we put on each day. Being new creations in Christ, we should be 'dressing' in a way that reflects the cross (hence the title :P).

But the old clothes- the sinful habits - are very comfy, and everyone else around is 'wearing' them, and so we start to blend in, no longer reflecting the hope within us - our calling to Christ. It's a daily battle to choose to put on the 'Jesus suit' - the decision to imitate Christ in thought, word and deed.

And how do we do it? By 'engaging you brain' and paying attention to the choices you are making and by filling your mind with the gospel. We have to practise at choosing God's way, persevere even when it's not what we want to do and pray, because we can only do it in his strength.

On Love

I was talking to a friend on the phone today, who was not feeling great for various reasons. At the end of the conversation, she thanked me for listening and then said "Love you". And so I naturally responded "Love you too."

When I got off the phone, my sister immediately said "Who were you talking to?" I explained that I was talking to this particular friend. My sister then responded "Why did you say 'I love you'? I don't say that to my friends." I was a little lost for words, and I tried to explain it as best I could to her, but I don't think I did a great job, so after having a good think about it, here is my answer.

I said 'I love you' because it's true. I love my friends. I think the world has a painfully narrow definition of love - you either love people in your family (because they are your family) or you love your romantic partner. But somewhere in the middle, we've lost the love that we have for our friends, the one that seeks to serve them and want to best for them and let them know that we care. In Australia, we often refer to this as 'mateship', but I think that's just a euphemism for a society too scared to admit what it really feels. It's love.

Jesus called us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" and to "love your neighbour as yourself" (Matthew 22:37, 39). Now, I don't know about how you feel about yourself, but I usually want good things to come to me, and therefore if I'm going to obey God, this means wanting good for my friends - loving my friends. And if we can't love our friends, then how are we ever going to meet Jesus' challenge to love our enemies?

Whether you say it or not is up to you. I can only remember how, particularly when I am feeling down, it feels so special to know that someone loves you, not because they have to, but because they are your friend.

A Proverbs 31 woman...

I've been following a devotional which looks at the woman described in verses 10-31 of Proverbs 31 and I wanted to summarise them here, to help me remember what I've learned.

1. The only image of womanhood that we want to be aiming for is the one presented in the Bible, not the one found in magazines or movies.
2. We are all, as Christian women, on the road to being like this woman. It's the Pantene Principle (It won't happen overnight, but it will happen). And we can't do it on our own - we need God and the Spirit to make us grow.
3. We are going to fail, but we have to keep pressing on. A godly woman is strong in charcter - she knows who she is - a child of God through Christ - and what she is living for.
4. Godly women make great wives! Seriously! What guy wouldn't want to marry a girl who is working toward being a woman who is trustworthy, faithful, encouraging and who serves and builds her husband up?
5. Women do a lot of work, whether they stay at home or not! They have a major role in ministering to the needs of their home.
6. A godly woman goes about her work with joy. Yes, even when she's vacuuming or scrubbing. Why? Becuase this is an expression of love for the others who share our life, and ultimately our love for God.
7. Watch what you say, especially to those closest to you!
8. Keep watch over your home, whether you live with family or flatmates. Look out for those in your home spiritually and emotionally, as well as looking after your home itself! (Yes, I did just write that... now my parents can officially come after me for the state of my room!)
9. Make time for the important stuff, like praying for your family and friends and serving their needs, but cutting out the not-so-important stuff, like hours on Facebook or chatting.
10. Nothing will change unless we depend of God's strength, that we can lay down our lives that we may gain them.

Always and Forever

It’s funny. Eternity is such a ridiculously long time that I think we almost try and avoid thinking about it. But a little while ago I was thinking about it. I was writing a birthday card.

I always used to sign birthday cards “with love today and always”. And then I stopped, because I started thinking, ‘It’s pretty ridiculous for me to be promising that I will love someone forever’, when I was only 15 years old. I mean, you’re not even friends with the same people from year to year, let along loving them that long.

But writing this card got me thinking about it. If my friend and I are going to see each other again in Heaven, then I can honestly say “I will love you forever”. And the best part is, the majority of those years are not going to be my human waxing and waning love, but the full and complete love found only in perfect relationship with God. It gives great confidence, that even if your paths lead you down totally separate roads, that friendships built on the foundation of the gospel will last the test of time, because it is a love that continues into eternity.

Joy to the World

Well, surprisingly, as I'm posting this, I'm not actually feeling very joyful - I had this all written up, and then managed to delete the whole thing! But I've heard that perseverance is pretty good too... so I'm giving that a try. But, for the second time tonight - my thoughts on joy.

I've been doing a short study on joy recently, in particular, the reasons we have joy as Christians. So I've come up with an acronym for it...

P - Purpose
H - Hope
i [Superfluous letter to make the acronym work]
L - Love

I am rather proud of this, because I can even make it relevant to the topic! PHiLippians is the 'book of joy' in the Bible - it's a major theme and Paul even uses the word for joy or rejoice 14 times, in a fairly short book. If you want to do some investigating of your own into anything to do with joy, it would be a great place to start.

So what does my little word play mean? It is the three reasons that Christ has given us joy... I'll explain more:

• In Christ, we have a purpose. You know those age old questions, "Why are we here? What is the meaning of life?" [By the way, I don't think 42 really covers it...] We have those answers in God. Our purpose is to bring glory to God. "For everything was created by him and for him." (Col 1:16b) So no matter who you are, your purpose is to be doing it for Jesus, in whatever you do, and that should determine what you do and how you behaviour. And that is a huge joy for me, because it means that whatever decisions I have to face in the future, I know what the underlying goal is. That all the glory goes to God and Christ Jesus.
• In Christ, we have hope for the future. As well as a God we can trust and rely upon during our time on Earth, we have a great future to look forward to if we believe in what Christ has done for us and put him as our Saviour King. We can have confidence in God's promise that we "will not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:16) And I don't know about you, but to me the idea of spending the rest of eternity with God, worshipping him, in a place free from sin and suffering sounds like a pretty good reason to be joyful.
• In Christ, we have seen the depths of God's love for us, through his actions in dying for us. I don't know about you, but every time I see the Jesus film or The Passion of the Christ, those images of how Christ died make me almost ill thinking about how much pain he must have endured on the cross, in addition to the agony being separated from God. The cross is one of the most painful methods of execution known to man - so painful, they invented the word 'excruciating' for it. [Seriously... look at the Latin roots. 'ex-' (from or out of) and 'crux' (cross)] And Jesus went though that FOR US. "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:10) That's how much the Creator of the Universe loves YOU. That's got to be something to be joyful about.

There are many other aspects of joy I haven't covered, but I know, especially when I'm feeling down, that it's important to remind myself of the reasons I have to be joyful - my "PHiL" of joy [Sorry, bad pun]. And you know the best things about these reasons? In Christ, they are eternal, unchanging promises. An assignment can give me purpose for an afternoon, I may have hopes for the New Year and anyone can love me for a day or even a lifetime. But the purpose, hope and love God is offering lasts forever. Now that's a reason to be joyful!

Listening Within

The Holy Spirit and his role is never something discussed in school scripture or Sunday school, apart from a brief mention as the mysterious "third member of the trinity" - the gas, to God and Jesus' ice and water (if I may use the analogy used to explain the trinity to me at school). And what I heard from the media and discussion about Christianity confused me. What the heck was "being slain in the Spirit" (a question I still have today...) or what does it mean to be "led by the Spirit"?

So the Spirit remained this shadowy background presence that my little Anglican-brought up self wasn't sure she wanted anything to do with.

After I started going to bible study, I started hearing different things, about how the Spirit lives in all Christians. And there were these fruit of the Spirit, which everyone wants to have and we need to rely on the Spirit... "But what does it all mean? How does it work?" I wanted to ask.

It's been a long time coming, but I finally feel I am beginning to understand a bit about the Holy Spirit, and how He works. He is God dwelling in us, and because of that, He changes the way we perceive the world. I think in a sense the Holy Spirit is God-coloured glasses, that every Christian puts on - often without knowing it - when they sign up to follow Christ. And while we are still looking around for 'evidence' of the Spirit in our lives - healings, tongues, miracles - we miss the real evidence of the work of the Spirit. Those moments where the Spirit has allowed us to see glimpses of God and feel joy, to reach out in love where we would have held back, the recognition of sin and turning from it - these are the real evidence of the Spirit.

But what does that mean? To me, it means I need to listen more inside. I don't think the Spirit speaks in an audible voice, even inside, or in any words - or at least, He certainly hasn't for me. But I know that it is He who brings the changes are reshaping my mind and my heart, and when I am quiet and listening, He shows me these things, and what else needs to be done.

I know there is much more I have to learn about the Spirit and his role, and that there definitely are some flaws in my understanding at present, but I feel I've come a long way from the Holy Ghost lurking somewhere in the murky depths, that I knew of in the past. And before I go, I must acknowledge a book that has helped me to articulate a lot of what I have begun to experience - Reaching for the Invisible God, by Philip Yancey (in particular the chapters "The Go-Between" and "Out of Control").